Just stuff that gives me a good laugh

 

2 friends of mine arguing:

This is a PM discussion between myself and Rocktoyo.
It starts normal and mundane, then becomes a discussion about "Master Asshole Licenses" and such:

Originally Posted by Rocktoyo
My wife informed me last night that she has call this weekend. :sad: Check your date book dude, is the 18th cool? (sept)
Originally Posted by SilverZuk
We have a club ride that weekend.
My junk is still torn apart, so if you want I can tow the runner to the campground.
You can pick it up there, wheel with us on the 18th, camp that night and drive back the 19th.
Or you can just grab it and go.

The ride is a club ride, but no one will object if you show, but it's not open to others without an invitation. Small group, trail madness, and fun.
Originally Posted by Rocktoyo
Cool, is this a MOR run? If so I have been debating about joining anyway.

Sounds like a blast. Mind if Matt (my trainee from work) rides along?
Originally Posted by SilverZuk
Yes it's a MOR run.
Membership is by invitation.
Basically you have to run with us a few times, and show that you are an asset and willing to help the club. Once we feel that you will fit in, we will ask you to join. It's an asshole filter system.
It's not perfect, we ended up with Russ :smile:
So, since we already know that you are an asshole, maybe you should ask him for tips :smileyflipoff:

We have members that are out of state, but they come down and run with us several times a year, and generally are just cool guys that we like.
Originally Posted by Rocktoyo
Dude, they let you in. How tough can they be? :laughing::3x: Ok, well clear it with the rest of the crowd and let me know its cool. BTW, just for future reference, I am not A asshole, I am THE asshole. Jesus man, someone has to set the standard.
Originally Posted by SilverZuk
Well since you are THE asshole, that may make it tough.
The club by-laws only allow one alpha asshole in the club at one time. Currently, that is my position, and I donít plan on relinquishing it anytime soon. :smileyfilpoff:
We only have a limited number positions for everyday assholes, but not alpha assholes.
So if you would be willing to demote yourself to a regular every day run of the mill asshole, we might be able to fit you in. :confused:

Though I am confident that you are well schooled in assholery, you must realize that I am on graduate college level and you are just past a high school level. Maybe I can mentor you on the finer points of master assholery, possibly pick up a few tips from you, and only then you may become the next jedi-master asshole.
Originally Posted by Rocktoyo
Well, that might be fine and dandy in West Virginia, however, to become a well rounded, influential asshole you have to have live elsewhere and be willing to travel in the quest to equally spread the seeds of assholedom around the world. Also, I've not met your Dad, is he a asshole? You see the finest assholes are genetically predisposed, not self-made.

I might not be a member of your "graduate course" in assholery, I dont need it. I'm am geneticlly designed to be the perfect asshole, nothing more than aging required. Bow down to the Zen Master of Assholery, none other than myself.

Keep in mind as well, some of the finest assholes have been bottled for regular consumption as well, you know the name Pepe' Lopez correct? He is the master of ALL assholes, simply add a few snakebites and any run of the mill asshole can achieve greatness. Pepe stole my recipe for instant asshole, if I ever see that fawker again I fully intend to remove his asshole by force.


Russ told me in confidence that you were not fulfilling your position as head asshole very well and a replacement might well be in order. Perhaps that replacement might well be me.

 

 

The Associated Press reports that New York junior Senator Hillary Clinton narrowly escaped injury in the aircraft that she was piloting when she was forced to make an emergency landing in Southern Texas because of bad weather. National Transportation Safety Board officials have issued a preliminary determination that pilot error contributed to the accident, and that the senator was flying in IFR conditions while only having obtained a VFR, single engine land rating. The absence of a post-crash fire was likely due to insufficient fuel on board. No one on the ground was injured. Pictures taken at the scene (below) show the extent of damage to Senator Clinton's aircraft.

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Posted by Dieselmh on pirate:

"Yesterday I learned an important lesson, never fawk with carnies.

The local fair just wrapped up a couple of days ago, and I guess they have a few days to kill before moving on to some other hick town to share the joys of 2 cent prizes, ill-maintained rides, and "food" that would gag a maggot. They've had the rides all packed up, but have been camping out at the fairgrounds for a few days, when normally they are packed and gone the next day before the food poison and tetanus lawsuits start rolling in.

Anyway, on the way home, I have to go past the fairgrounds, which now resembles the "Pikey" campgrounds from the movie SNATCH. So, as I'm going home yesterday, they are moving all the rides from the fairground to a big parking lot across the street. There's some mongoloid looking guy standing in the road stopping traffic so that the trucks can cross. No big deal, I stop (just so happened that I was the first and only vehicle there) and let the first truck go by. The next truck is creeping towards up and is at least 50 yards away and going very slowly. I figured the carnie would let me go by since there was plenty of time and I was the only vehicle there. Nope. In fact, he gets really close to the front of my truck to the point where I couldn't have pulled forward to go around without hitting him. So now I'm a bit perturbed, but keeping my cool. I figured that maybe his depth perception was messed up and he thought the truck was closer than it really was. So at least two whole minutes goes by before the truck gets there and crosses the road, and I will finally get to go. Nope. There aren't any more trucks even on the driveway, and this fawkin' stubby armed, inbred freak still isn't moving.

I finally get pissed and honk while yelling "get the fuck outta the road already." So freak boy just stares at me in the way that only a watermelon head with two different colored eyes that aren't straight can stare at you, but he still doesn't move. I'm at the point now where I just want to run over him, and leave his body to be picked clean by the rest of the freaks that are camped there. I slam it into reverse, back up a little, then slam it back into drive and punch it. Since I've got the powertrax, the ass end slides over a little, and I go around him at an angle, spinning the tires and screaming "move you fuckin' carnie freak!" Apparently carnie freaks do not like to be called that. So now this guy that was apparently frozen a few moments earlier runs over to his car as fast as a man with one leg shorter than the other can run, and gets in.

Now it's interesting. Granted, I did have a head start on him, but he was still gaining on me since I drive an extended cab pickup and he was driving a fast sports car. I know it was fast because it was red! So, as he's gaining on me, I decide that since I know the roads very well, I'll shut off the lights and lose him. No luck, he stuck with me for about 5 miles. It probably has something to do with the fact that it was only 7PM and still daylight, but I think he was just a really good driver! After a few miles, we were getting to my turf. I grew up there all my life, and knew the dirt roads like the back of my foot. It's awn now! I'm tearing down the dirt roads, power sliding that big truck around turns and taking hills in a way that would make ----------(insert famous rally racer name here) proud! I was kicking ass on those roads, and freakboy was losing ground. I got to a spot where there was a good turnaround on the side of the road, so I flipped a bitch, and backed into the side road. Just as mongaloid passed, I pulled out going the other direction and gave him the finger! I guess he tried to do an e-brake slide, but he didn't make it, and slide into the ditch where is high speed red race car became stuck in the sand. He was done.

Being a nice guy and all, I stopped a couple hundred feet away to make sure he was OK. Actually, I stopped, got out, gave him the finger, and yelled obscenities at him, but only after I made sure that he was healthy enough to climb out of the car. So now he's mad because his super-car is stuck, and I'm yelling at him, so he charges me. Now, charge is a relative term considering a was a couple hundred feet away, and it's not like he was gonna get the jump and surprise me, but he gave it a try anyway. What could I do? I decided that it would be best if I hit him with a rock, so I tried. I guess that gave him an idea, so he stopped, picked up some rocks, and started throwing them back. The only problem was, since he's a freak, he's got little Tyrannosaurus Rex arms, and throws like a 10 year old girl, and isn't getting anywhere near myself or my truck. I know this was a funny sight, a 6 foot 2, 350 pound man hucking rocks at a T-Rex on a dirt road! Anyway, as he's failing miserably at hitting me with a rock, I was starting to get him bracketed, and the fourth or fifth chunk was dead on. I whacked him right in the thigh, which sent him stumbling back a few steps. I'm pretty sure I heard him mutter something about me messing up his "going out" leg or something, but it didn't sound like it hit metal or wood, so I think he was mistaken. So anyway, he went limping back to his car, and I made my way home, rejoicing in my victory. Lesson learned, don't fawk with carnies! "
Dieselmh

________________________________________________________________

I need some advice on what could be a life changing decision. I've suspected for some time now that my wife has been having an affair. The usual signs. Phone rings, I answer, someone hangs up. She started going out 'with the girls' a lot recently. When I ask which girls, it's always, "Just some friends from work, you don't know them." I always look out for her taxi coming home, but she always walks down the drive, although I can hear a car setting off. As if she has got out of the car round the corner. Why? Is it not a taxi?

I once picked her mobile up just to see what time it
was and she went berserk and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her.

Anyway, since then I have never approached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth. But last night she went out again and I decided to check on her. I decided I was going to hide behind my truck which would give me a view of the whole street so I could see which car she gets out of. It was while I crouched behind my Tacoma that I noticed rust around my rear wheel arch.

Should I take it to a Toyota shop or should I buy some Bushwhackers from the local auto shop and try to repair it myself?


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